


Tree

by KissingFriendleaders (orphan_account)



Category: Homestuck
Genre: Drabble
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-07-18
Updated: 2013-07-18
Packaged: 2017-12-20 14:15:43
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 966
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/888209
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/KissingFriendleaders
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>[A silly little drabble for tentacleswithspottedpants.]</p><p>Karkat and John argue, while Karkat clings to a tree.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Tree

**Author's Note:**

  * For [tentacleswithspottedpants (tumblr)](https://archiveofourown.org/gifts?recipient=tentacleswithspottedpants+%28tumblr%29).



“Karkat!” John called out to the troll, one hand braced on a hip, while his other shaded his eyes from the sun. “Karkat, get your little gray troll butt down here, now!”

Karkat, who was currently clinging to the trunk of a tall tree, high up in it's branches, his thighs gripping it tightly, and his sharp yellow claws digging in deeply, scowled down at the stupid human below and barked, “No! Fuck you John! There is no way I am coming down from here! I am not setting a single foot anywhere near you, ever again! You are an inconsiderate asshole with mush for a thinkpan and-”

John sighed deeply, ignoring the rest of Karkat's rant, shifting his stance slightly. Arms crossed over his chest, hip cocked to the side he tried to take on an image of disapproval as he frowned up at the troll. “I told you I was sorry about the whole firecracker thing, I didn't think you'd react like that... but seriously Karkat, we've got to go! Now!” he stressed the last part, “Kanaya and Rose are going to skin us alive if we're not there in ten minutes. Why can't you sulk about this later? It's both our hides you're risking.”

“Fuck you John! Fuck you very much! I could care less about your stupid skinny hide. In fact, when they skin you I will be sitting there laughing! Laughing at _you_. There will be tears of mirth running down my cheeks. And when it is my turn, I will march forward to accept my fate like a fucking troll! And it will be worth it, knowing it happened to you first and that you deserved every second of it!” 

“Come on dude,” John whined, starting to get antsy and shuffling on the spot, “I'll...” _Fuckfuckfuck what would Karkat agree to come down for?_ “I'll make you breakfast for a week! Whatever you want. Please.” There was a moment of silence as the troll considered his proppsal, before Karkat muttered something John could barely hear. “Dude, what?”

Karkat reluctantly spoke up louder, “I- fuck you, seriously- I can't get down... I'm stuck.” 

Stunned silence from John, before he erupted into loud, obnoxious laughter, needing to brace himself on his knees just to stay upright, “Ahahaha-oh my god? Are you—pfffhahah- Serious?--heehehehoooooo- Karkitty is stuck up a tree? Am I going to have to call the fire department?”

Karkat growled, “Okay that's it! This is my new home now! I'm never leaving this tree, and it's your fault. I'm going to die up here and no one will care. And every day you'll have to pass by my skeleton in this tree, so I hope the guilt eats you alive you insensitive prick!”

“Hahaheeeheeeehah- I'm sorry Karkat, but it's hilarious that you, the big bad troll,-” Karkat let out a menacing rumble “-are stuck up a stupid little tree. You managed to climb up there, can't you just climb down?”

“Egbert, you continue to prove you are it: You are the village idiot. You are the germs that colonise on the bottom of the rest of humanities shoes... IF I COULD FUCKING CLIMB DOWN THE TREE I WOULD NOT BE _STUCK_. ARE YOU FUCKING SERIOUS? DO YOU THINK I AM AN IMBECILE LIKE YOU? FOR FUCKS SAKE, I KNOW YOU DON'T HAVE MUCH OF A THINKPAN, BUT AT LEAST USE WHAT YOU HAVE.”

“Sorry man. Uhm, how about you jump down?”

“... ARE YOU FUCKING SERIOUS? WHAT MAKES YOU ASSUME I HAVE A DEATH WISH, EGBERT WHAT THE-”

“Nonononono.” John hastily interrupted him, not wanting to cause Karkat to start up another rant, they seriously were on a time limit, and time was running out. “Karkat, dude, I'll totally catch you, I promise. Just jump down and I will be waiting to take you into the safe embrace of my strong manly arms.” 

“... are you trying to make the offer more enticing? Because it's not working.”

“Psssh. Whatever, you know you can't wait to leap into my arms. I can see you practically trembling in anticipation. Come on, seriously, we're going to have to run to make it in time now.”

A long silence before Karkat reluctantly agreed, “Fine. But if you drop me I will haunt you for the rest of your miserable life.”

“I will enjoy every moment of it. Come oooooooon. Jump on three.”

_One._

_Two._

_Three._

Karkat scrunched his eyes shut and pushed off backwards from the tree, prepared for his imminent death when he hit the ground below.

Instead there was a grunt of impact and he landed on something slightly softer than the ground. Opening his eyes slowly, he realised he was sprawled over John, who had... apparently decided to act as a cushion, instead of catching him?

Karkat was quick to scramble up off the other boy. He scowled down at John who was lying on his back looking a little dazed. “What are you doing just lying there?” he huffed, “Wasn't it you who said we were on a time limit?”

John sat up slowly, rubbing at the back of his head, eyes shut in pain. “Yeaaaah, but that was before I was crushed by your fat ass. Go on ahead without me, I don't think I can go on. Tell Rose she can have my movie collection- she's the only one who would care for it properly; if I gave it to you, you'd probably gleefully destroy it.”

John opened his eyes when he didn't get a response and saw he was alone...

Karkat had already taken off running towards Rose and Kanaya's place when John told him to go on without him. 

“You deserting bastard! I didn't actually mean leave me here!” John yelped, jumping up and staggering awkwardly after him.


End file.
